Underwear

Summer 2001
Three weeks before getting married I was doing laundry and I began to notice that all my 3 year old underwear was beginning to look a bit tacky. It hadn't ever really bothered me before, but the fact that my wife was probably going to actually see me wearing it compelled me to throw out the old and bring in the new.

I've never liked going to the store and buying underwear. Most guys will just purchase something else to cover the underwear as they walk to the checkout. I couldn't think of anything else I actually needed, but while contemplating if I could justify purchasing some extra luggage or a new cooler, inspiration struck. I thought "Why don't I just buy it online?" It made perfect sense. Shop online from home and have it delivered to your door without ever stepping into an actual store. Also this way I wouldn't end up with any unneeded luggage.

I first tried to visit Fruitoftheloom.com, but the didn't sell underwear online so I went to hanes.com. As it turns out, all of my existing underwear was Hanes, but I didn't know this because the tags had all fallen off years ago. Purchasing the product was easy. I ordered enough to last me 2.5 weeks between doing laundry and threw in a package of socks as well for a total of 4 items.

UPS never leaves stuff at my apartment. If I'm not home, I don't get my package. Maybe this is because I haven't figured out how to sign their little post-it-note in a way that shows I want them to leave packages, or maybe they have some policy about apartment complexes so I was quite surprised to notice a package with my name on it under the mailboxes while returning back home. I was even more surprised to see that the package was so well decorated with the word "Hanes" and words like "irresistible". When I opened the package I discovered that it contained only one package of underwear.

Over the next few days I received 3 more individual decorated packages from Hanes left in a prominent place near the apartment mailboxes. I saw more than one of my fellow apartment dwellers looking curiously at the packages with my name neatly printed on the front. So instead of dealing with the embarrassment of one purchase of underwear at a store where I don't know anyone, my method sent me four individual 12 by 18 advertisements displaying to all my neighbors that Mark W. Shead had purchased some new underwear.